Its like, if I were a car, I wouldn't even be in first right now.
I literally cannot do anything. And my exams have just started!
I haven't revised, or even bothered to.
I've got a piece of coursework that's due in tomorrow for me to do a merit, and I'm supposed to be getting up at like 6am to do it, which I doubt I'll do and use the "oh I forgot" excuse again and settle for a pass. 'cause its only health and social.
I just want to be able to do something, y'know? I want to make something of myself, and I have all the tools to do that, but do I use those tools?
No. I'm just gonna sit here and try rubbing two fucking twigs together to try and make fire.
You've got all of these gizmos and gadgets to help you get along, and where am I? I'm still trying to make fire.
I'm so far behind.
And it's making me sick. Not even like, sick of myself, like, physically sick.
I'm worrying myself sick. Literally.
And I don't like it. Not one bit. Because if I'm sick, I'll miss more school. And if I miss more school, I worry more, which makes me even more sick. Its a vicious fucking cycle and jesus christ I need a hug.
I can't even get my ass in gear about my writing. I've started things, but have I finished them? No. They're all just sat there, unfinished and crying. Like a bottom in a BDSM relationship who's strapped to the bed with a vibrator up his arse, not allowed to let go and can't touch himself.
Basically? I need motivation.
But I can't get that motivation. Because the motivation that I need is being stopped by school. And I can't just take a couple days out, 'cause I'm missing vital stuff. If I had a day or two to myself, I could probably get my head around all of this and be able to do something about it. But I can't.
Not even the weekends are mine, because its all "you need to revise" and "here take this homework it'll help prepare you for your exam"
and saying that I have English homework that I haven't done. Fuck.
There's also a lot of family problems going on behind the scenes right now, which is just slowing me down even further and stressing me out. It literally feels like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders, they feel tired and heavy and just not up for it anymore.
This has turned into a total vent I'm so sorry omfg but:
ON A LIGHTER NOTE
Avenged Sevenfold are coming to Britain in November and December, three dates in England.
Who wants to take a guess at who's taking a 150 mile trip to go see them in Birmingham?
THIS UNMOTIVATED MOTHERFUCKER.
I'm just so fucking stoked that I can't even oh my god
[ ] Photomanipulation
[ ] Lineart
[ ] Shading practice
[ ] Smudging practice
[ ] Candy - Frob (prompt)
[ ] Badges prt2 - Rayrard
[ ] Brotherly Love.
[ ] All That I've Got by The Used - Gerard, implied slash.
[ ] I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes) - FRAY
[PLANNED] 'horsey-slashy-fanfiction' - FRIKEY
[ ] Gerard and Lindsey fanfiction
[BEING REWRITTEN] A Little Piece Of Heaven by Avenged Sevenfold - Fraycest, 2or more parts.
[ ] 7 Nation Army by The White Stripes - Unknown pairing
[ ] Changed By You/Spain by Between The Trees - Frikey?
[ ] 'something in a club' - Rayrard or Frob
[IN PROGRESS] Finish all WIP's.
[IN PROGRESS] Something straight, that isn't GerZ.
[IN PROGRESS] Sunday Morning - Zatt
[x] Type up & finish Zatt
[x] I'm Yours by The Script - Brohnny
[ ] 'love mattress' - Unknown paring
[x] Zacky Cat - Synacky
[x] Pool prompt challenge - Bratt
[ ] Mr. Brightside by The Killers - Unknown Pairing
[ ] "Are we havin' fun yet?" - Frerard, drug abuse.
[ ] You're Beautiful by James Blunt - Unknown Pairing.
[ ] Chicken soup for the soul - Synacky
[ ] Breakeven by The Script - Frikey or Frob
[x] 'Fallen Angel', green eyes, magic? - Zacky V,synacky?(side pairing.)
[ ] Rohypnol, date rape drug - Jatt
[x] Swans - Synacky
[ ] Lesbian! - Unknown pairing.
[ ] 'Freaky Friday' - Waycest?
[IN PROGRESS] Jar Of Hearts by Christina Perry - Zohnny.
[PLANNED] Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Concept, MCRxA7X
[ ] Adult baby? MCR? May scrap.
[TO BE REWRITTEN] Seven Minutes In Heaven - Bratt
[PLANNED] Place Your Hands - Band moments? Synacky, Jatt?
[ ] "Cougar between the sheets" - Jatt/Zohnny? - Prompt battle!
ps I've got a tumblr and I have for a little while now but it'd be nice if you could follow me c: [link]
or not, s'cool too. ._.